The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
