On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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