who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
