3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
