i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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