Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
