You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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