Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pappa wants mamma naked
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
