im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
