my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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