They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
