It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I smell stomach acid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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