it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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