So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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