i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
