the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
