Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
