Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
