yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
