the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
