So drunk its hurt
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Im part way to drunk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
