Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
