God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
