I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
