We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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