So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
