census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
