does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i think i have herpe
just one?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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