you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
