A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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