You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
