I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize