it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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