my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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