Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
