Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
false alarm, still single
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
