We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
