everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
