Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
