She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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