Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
