did i walk over a car last night?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
