holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
