I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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