I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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