I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
