my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize