so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
