I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
