Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
