I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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