im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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