Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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