i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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