Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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