Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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