YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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