I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
