Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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