Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
