Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
