Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My ass is underappreciated
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
